I want to take this opportunity to tell you how much I love you. I have loved you from the moment that we found out that we were going to be blessed with your presence in our lives. How is this possible to love you before I met you? Because you were already a part of my very soul, and I knew you were going to be our blessed gift. That’s why we named you Cherish Emerxandra – the blessed gift.
I remember clearly the day when you came to our life. From the very first time I saw you, I knew my life would never be the same. You had my heart from the very first glance, and with the sound of your very first cry, I wanted to protect you and make it all better.
You were so small yet you taught me so much about being a mom. I’m sorry that you were at the center of all of my trials and errors. I wanted so much to get it right. I think my expectations of you when you were that small were unrealistic. I loved watching you learn how to roll over, crawl, walk, babble and talk. I embraced the times when you were sick, knowing it was my only chance to get an extra cuddle in and I cherished the day when you learned to put yourself to sleep. But as you grew, so too, did our family; three became four and four turned quickly into five and life as you knew it was changing. You no longer be the center of attention, no longer the “only child.” And at times as you learned to share that love and attention, you would put up quite the fight with me and with your little sisters. I know that eventually you will have a good relationship with your sisters, and you did. You are always the humble one, you are always let your sisters win in every fights, and at the age of 7, you learn to take care of your little sisters and helping me to do a simple house chores. But remember, I too was learning to be the best mom for you and your sisters. And as I struggled to find the balance of loving you and all that I desired to give you, I constantly fell short.
I failed at giving you the attention you deserved, I failed at keeping my temper when all you wanted was to ask me a question, I failed at holding you when you needed me most, I failed at laughing with you while you played dress up with your dolls, I failed to listen to your stories or even mad at you when you were trying to please me with your new song or drawing, and I failed at forgiving you when it was never your intention to hurt me or your sisters. I did not realize that all these time you were become a place for me to vent my anger and stress. And little did I know that you were just a small innocent child.
For all that I would like to say sorry. I am sorry for letting you down and constantly failing to be the mom that you deserve and I’m sorry for giving up at times when you needed me most. Because all I desire is to love you unconditionally, to give you the life that you deserve, to see you push past your fears and be the woman that I know you were created to be. You are SPECIAL and you are SMART.
So you know that even on my best day I will fail you or even on my worst day, I will never give up on you because you are worth more than anything in this world. You are worth to every bump in the road, every failure, and every break down. And as long as you promise to continue to embrace my mistakes, I promise to always love you for who you are.